Nancy’s last publication,

“Memories to Moments on the Cancer Caravan”,

which appeared in the Vineyard Gazette on Dec. 7, 2017,

is the most moving & beautiful tribute of all to her humanity and courage.

SWEET REMEMBRANCES

By Nancy’s brother, Eric Leenson, on the birthday she never had, December 2, 2017

Nancy Beth was so gentle a soul,

upon whom disease took far too early a toll.

A child of New Yorkers born in Baltimore,

She came to relish crab cakes to the core.

Surrounded by her little bears brown and blue,

She could face life with her own private zoo.

Who would have thought when she played hooky at age five,

That in time, intellectual exploration would make her thrive.

Enduring the torments of a 3-year-older brother,

It was remarkable that she managed to recover.

She was open-minded in all, with one exception,

definitely no room for cats in her worldly conception.

At the tender age of fourteen elle voyaged to France,

And fell into a life-long Francophile trance.

As Shakespeare and Company became her home,

She had little need for other places to roam.

Literature can be wonderfully romantic,

Falling in love in a bookstore is far more than just semantic.

She won the Caldwells’ enduring admiration

by guiding a fugitive Duncan to reconciliation.

She bloomed amidst characters the likes of Ted Joans,

though dearly missed Thanksgiving and turkey bones.

By lovingly birthing Olivia and Sebastian,

she ensured  Leenson genes would remain in fashion.

Though pre-history was not her organic calling,

to many a French field she went trawling.

Her study of and commitment to multiculturalism

provided a fulfilling source of dynamism.

She worked to end racial and ethnic discrimination,

among Arab, Jew and even the Rwandan nation.

Though not athletic and late in life, she learned to swim,

unleashing a passion that would never dim.

By snatching up the very last of the lox,

at a fashionable party, Larry David she did outfox.*

Not once did she complain of her untimely fate,

And for that we celebrate her grace, an amazing trait.

When it came time to say a profound good-bye,

It was clear that our connection would never die.

After all, Nancy is cherished as wife and mother,

and I am fortunate enough to be her brother.

1. *out Larry-Davided Larry David.
   

(like Stanley Spencer’s self-portrait in the Tate)

after a visit to an ophthalmologist.

Nancy Lives!

From Laura Corsiglia

dear Duncan

thinking of you & Nancy so much

You will always be of the great continent DUNCANANCY whose spores were present in Pangaea and whose gentle mycelium spreads so much joy through the world fruiting here and there

(including to me ever since Ted first brought me to visit you rue Rambuteau)

thank you for sharing these photos of lovely brilliant Nancy

and so great to see Olivia & Sebastian beautiful ones

no words truly à propos

from a porous animist

but sending all giant

+++love+++

+++Laura

& Monte+++

From Sylvia Whitman of Shakespeare & Company, Paris

So many wonderful images of Nancy are flooding back to me and her warmth and laughter and energy were truly magnetic. She was someone one always felt good being around and I feel lucky to have had her presence in my childhood. I am thinking of you during this raw, fragile period and sending all my love and celebrating her wonderful life and love.

With my warmest thoughts

Sylvia xxx

Beloved Nancy

From her brother-in-law, John Fisher

It’s been more than a week now, yet the misery of your, and our collective, loss remains profound.  It is strange and painful to use the past tense in referring to Nancy because she survives so strongly in my emotions and in my mind’s imagery and recollections.  For the past nine days, I have struggled to find words to convey to you, as my thoughts and feelings swirl in the chaos of grief.  What I can say without hesitation is that my love for Nancy remains abundant.

 

Our girls always adored Nancy’s generous attentions.  I have so many vivid recollections of her surprising them with unique and very thoughtfully selected gifts.  I hear my young girls giggling with glee as they play with Nancy on the floor of your living room in Aquinnah, or on your sofa in Paris, and it makes me glowingly happy…and devastatingly sad, at the same time.  A few days ago, we found our girls sobbing quietly together in their shared grief over the loss of their beloved aunt.

 

I always marveled at Nancy’s remarkably pure, novel insights on virtually every topic we discussed.  What a consistently fresh, caringly thoughtful and often truly unique perspective she had on so many subjects.  I relished my many quiet, one-on-one summertime discussions with her at a far end of an otherwise raucous family dinner table.  She had such a beautiful mind.

 

And her gentle soul, and generous spirit, inspire me now.

 

Oddly, although I lost my father two months ago, I listen to him more often and more intently today than ever.  His musings, humor, advice and wisdom echo through my head and are very much a part of my internal daily dialogue, which I am learning to enjoy.  I fervently hope that, over time, you all will learn to find comfort, solace and joy in many of your own internal dialogues with Nancy.

 

With an aching heart and enduring love.

From Uli Botzojorns

I am so, so sad to hear that Nancy has left us. 

I am so thankful for everything you and Nancy have done for me, and I credit both of you with much of the motivation I had to attend Leiden and to work towards a master's degree.  Nancy's passion to genuinely listen, hear, and engage with me (and all people) made her a powerful and poignant voice in my life. I felt safe with her - no matter what I need to share or feel, and this is not a feeling I come by easily. I frequently think of our walks to the movies when I was living with you in Paris, or making jokes at the kitchen table. I had so many important conversations with Nancy - conversations that continue to inform how I think about myself and my values. Her compassion was infectious, and I often think to myself "how would Nancy approach this" when I am in a challenging situation. ... I really cannot express how often both of you are in my mind. I was very challenged by my experience at Leiden, and felt intensely that it was something I need to do alone, to achieve by myself. That motivation, though, could not have happened without the knowledge that I had people in my life that I could turn to and ask for support if need be. Nancy was that to me, and I deeply feel a space in my heart where she solidly sat. Thank you for sharing all the pictures of her, I have looked through them and it has reminded me even more of Nancy's love and calm, practical happiness. 

I love you very much, and I am here, around, and available if you need me. Please ask me for anything you need. Do you need company? Do you need help with organizing anything, any menial tasks that I could help with? I think constantly about your home, about how much I would love to be there, how I could sit in the downstairs and write, help you organize and think and adapt. If there is anything I can do, please please let me know. 

From Karen Sharpe

Dearest Duncan.

It seems very unreal to be writing Dearest Duncan and not Dearest Nancy and Duncan, as I’ve always done, the two names indivisible to me. What’s even more unreal is realizing that I’ll never again see our beloved Nancy in your Rambuteau home or on a street corner in the Marais.

I was devastated to learn of her passing—I had no idea she’d been ill. I cannot even imagine the unbearable sadness you and your children must be experiencing, not hearing her sweet voice or looking into those blue eyes so full of love, understanding, depth.

A few days before I got your email I was thinking very strongly of the two of you, determined that now that I’m teaching less I would reconnect with you, have you for dinner, talk and laugh about what we’ve been doing these few years since not having seen one another. There are many people whom I haven’t seen in some time, but you were the ones who came to mind. Strange as it may seem, people swim into my consciousness often when they are ill and leaving this world. Perhaps I’m just sensitive to their passing presence, and that’s what my thoughts about you were all about.

I so wish I’d gotten together with you sooner. I’ve always treasured Nancy’s wisdom and insights and warmth from the first time I met her (and Rascal) at the faux doggie dinner. And I loved her style. I was happy to see that in some of the photos she was wearing jewelry from the Piroguiers, an organization I introduced her to.

Having been single for so many years, I’m a keen observer of couples. The majority I know haven’t made me feel I’m missing out on anything. But you and Nancy certainly did—your pure joy in being in each other’s company, your shared curiosity, the total appreciation of the other’s humor, intellect was always so present.

I saw a documentary a few nights ago on George Sand—her wampum bracelet wasn’t mentioned, but I look forward to learning more about it. I, too, went to the Kongo exhibit at the Met—perhaps we were even there at the same time.

I saw in your beautifully moving photos that Nancy left all of us in the same way she did everything—with grace and love. Like a perfect poem that captures a deep truth, the very last image speaks volumes of your new solitude.

My heart goes out to you, Sebastian, and Olivia. If there’s anything at all I can do, please let me know. And let’s still have that dinner when you’re back in Paris, to laugh and talk.

A few years ago one of my students wrote at the end of a story: “I just wish cancer would get cancer and die.” I think about that in situations such as this, and I couldn’t agree more.

With much love and healing thoughts and huge hugs,

Karen

From Marcelle Brown Scheidig

I am heartbroken! So infinitely sorry that you have lost your incredible beloved wife. Such a wonderful person she was. Tears in my face, I can’t help, with that sense of infinite loss. How hard it must be for you and your children when I realize that it is hard for me. 

I will not be able to see all that you have sent yet. But thank you very much. 

I send you love and share deeply your loss. 

Marcelle

From Anne Catherine Mengin

Marcelle shared the terrible news that we lost Nancy late this November…. I shudder at the fact that she is not at the other end of this email address.

I have been moved by your words and your tribute to her, I carry Nancy in my heart as well.

Your home in Paris, the only one I was lucky enough to visit, was such a reflection of your life and love. That you and Nancy shared that space with me on more than one occasion is an honor.

Nancy asked me to read some of her writing on her last trip to Paris and that request is one of my fondest memories of her. Let me explain. Nancy had no boundaries to her love. I had to earn her respect, but once I did, she never made me feel too young, too old, or too silly. She was a peer that watched and helped me grow into myself. 

I hope you find love and comfort where you can.  

Love,

Anne Catherine

From Terry Cunniff

From the first time I met her, I've always thought Nancy was a goddess, and these photos of her life prove it.

The most beautiful of things imaginable in human existence

From Robert Bednarik, editor of Rock Art Research (and his wife, Elfriede), Australia

Thank you for this most beautiful declaration of love I have ever had the good fortune to see. It is abundantly clear that yours was and still is a very special relationship, one that endures beyond the death of one partner. In this crazy world our species has created, it is the one thing that reminds us that life is worthwhile, because in a cynical reality it can still produce the most beautiful of things imaginable in human existence. Your uplifting tribute to Nancy has moved my wife and me to tears, not so much of grief but of happiness that such narratives of life are still possible. Contrary to all appearance, life can still be wonderful. You may seem alone now, but in truth we think that you will never be alone.

Only silence

From Francesco Pellizzi, Columbia & Harvard

My very dear Duncan: nothing can be said, and only silence can honor Nancy's good heart and great spirit. I have the vividest memory of her, and of you two sitting together after your lecture at our Columbia University Seminar, and it will always stay with me. Please know that you, and your children, have all my affection.

Like “seeing every light on the Christmas tree”

From Zoë Sara Strother, Riggio Professor of African Art, Columbia University (and her husband, Jonathan M. Reynolds)

What a special person! Each time when I talked to her, I ended up mulling over her insights for months afterwards. The last time we were exchanging our perspectives on being gravely ill. I said that one thing I treasured about the experience was how time slowed down and how I could see the beauty around me as if for the first time. It was transfixing: the view out the window, the kindness of a stranger, the splendor of a flower…. Nancy said that she almost found it too much – it was like “seeing every light on the Christmas tree.” I hear her voice saying it & tear up thinking about it. May we all have that peace & discernment when our own time comes.

Thank you for taking such good care of her – the research for better treatments, moving to the US, the transportation hours, the daily tenderness. And now you must be exhausted & will be for a year at least. Please take care of yourself.

Love,

Zoë

Grace & joy

From Rosa Parker

Her grace and joy shine through the images and they are a comfort at a time when we are all missing her so greatly. She was a truly extraordinary woman. I am so honored and grateful to have known her. 

With much love,

~Rosa~

Such a magical person

From Aquinnah Witham 

Nancy's brilliance, beautiful smile, sparkling eyes, rhythmic speaking voice, positivity, integrity and stoicism will always be remembered when I think of her. I am forever grateful that you both shared your home with me and I was lucky enough to know such a magical person. 

Every joyous thing about her

From Nancy Slonim Aronie, author of Writing from the Heart: Tapping the Power of Your Inner Voice

Words don't do it. We have none. 

Grief: plenty.

I was so sure she was in the mend. But it was her up

Best positive attitude that had me fooled. 

Nancy was one of the most brilliant writers I have ever encountered. But more than that she was one of the sweetest beings I have ever had the honor of knowing.

You could not help

But fall in love with her.

We are devastated. I can't even imagine how you are.

We send our loving energy to you along with a genuine offer of support. ANYTHING you need we are here : neighbors and loyal friends.

Sob as much as possible . ❣

Our hearts are broken. I loved that woman: every joyous thing about her. 

These are mere words out of the mouth of speechlessness

From Vijay Singh, novelist & filmmaker, Paris & Delhi

This has been devastating news indeed, .... May Nancy be happy wherever she is…

These are mere words out of the mouth of speechlessness.

Wishing you all courage and tons of love.

My way of sending her love 

From Mandakini Narain, Paris & Delhi

I must admit I am crying…. I somehow feel that Nancy has left in deep calm and grace and serenity. What a great soul she was and how much I loved and appreciated her. 

Am also getting a 100-day prayer done for Nancy, part of a Buddhist tradition, and my way of sending her love to wherever she is now. 

Love,

Mandakini

From Jeanette & René Demestere, Paris & Martha’s Vineyard

It is hard to write this, but we were so shocked and heartbroken when we received your mail on November 24th. Nancy was such a unique person, so "douce" and vivacious. I always said I wanted to paint her, she looked to me like a Russian doll with her petite features and her beautiful auburn hair. It is especially grievous for us, as we have shared the same lifestyle, and will miss her both in Paris and here on the Vineyard, where our lives and references have crossed so often. We know how hard it must be for you right now, how much she is and will be missed, and can only hope that you will stay in touch with us, here and in Paris, especially Shakespeare and Co., where Nancy’s spirit lives on….

From Wayne Santos

A sweet spirit, who was filled with (and who willingly shared) the love our world so desperately needs.

Blessings and peace to you. 

Tu étais son rempart

From Aminata Salamata Kiello, Niger & Burkino Faso

Merci infiniment Duncan d'avoir rendu Nancy si heureuse. Elle me disait au téléphone que tu étais son rempart.

Nancy était si merveilleuse que jamais je ne l'oublierai. Qu'elle repose en paix !

From Catherine Le Cloître-Peeters et l'équipe des Piroguiers, Paris

Recevez toutes mes condoléances et la compassion de l'équipe des Piroguiers, nous garderons le souvenir de la douceur et du sourire de Nancy.

Nous pensons très fort à vous et partageons votre peine.

From Harriet Bernstein

Nancy had so much more to glean from this world and also so much more to give. 

My heart is heavy. 

My heart is heavy....

But I hold her memory as a blessing. 

What grace and caring. 

From Nilda Macedo Sánchez, Peru & Mexico

J'ai appris, d'abord par ma soeur Marie, et après par votre mail le départ de notre belle et merveilleuse Nancy.

Je vous embrasse très fort à chacun de vous et je vous dis MERCI de votre amitié et de votre témoignage en tant que famille!

Je remercie Dieu d'avoir fait votre connaissance et d'avoir partagé plusieurs moments de JOIE, de PAIX, d'AMOUR, notamment au sein de votre maison à Paris. 

Vous tous vous m'avez beaucoup appris. 

Nancy, par exemple, m'a fait de nombreuses preuves de tendresse et d'amitié. Nancy était PROCHE, SOURIANTE, TOUJOURS À L'ÉCOUTE, DOUCE, TRÈS HUMAINE, DROLE, SOLIDAIRE... Elle était comblée de vertus.

De la part de ma famille, ici au Pérou et du Mexique aussi, je vous offre une prière à Dieu pour vous tous et spécialement pour notre Nancy chérie. 

Nancy a toujours été un exemple d'amour.  Elle a passé sa vie à faire du bien.

MERCI de partager ces moments douloureux. Recevez nos CONDOLÉANCES. 

Merci cher Duncan de l'avoir embrassée de la part de tous ceux qui l'aimons. Ce geste m'a beaucoup touché!

Que DIEU VOUS BÉNISSE et vous donne la FORCE nécessaire pour faire face à ces moments si pénibles.

Je vous fais des GROS BISOUS à chacun d'entre vous.

All my sweet memories

From Edith Ochs (and Bernard Nantet), Paris

oh Duncan, don't make me cry please - it's hard enough. 

It's so sad to write to you - alone.... It's so awfully sad for everyone who's known Nancy, and to you, my friend, what can I say? You've fought like a bear to keep her, and give her more life, buy her some more time, more time with us, with you, here, in this world, in this life, and you made it happen, you made it possible. She owed you a lot....

Please convey my love for Nancy to your children, and all my sweet memories.

She taught me you could just be grateful to be alive

From Edith Ochs

Nancy was a very dear friend, so sweet and with a humor all to herself. We shared a common approach to words, passing from English to French and back, and through our shared approach, we had the feeling we could understand the world better.
She taught me you could just be grateful to be alive, one day at a time, not knowing whether you would wake up tomorrow.
This piece (in the Vineyard Gazette) is just like her.

Half fish & half woman

From Ray Kellman

Only someone who has experienced the kind of loss you have can truly understand the profound feelings you are now experiencing.  I count myself one and all the words in the world cannot ease the tremendous sadness for you.  It is helpful to know that so many people loved Nancy, for she was truly a splendid person.  I think of her sometimes as half fish and half woman for she loved the water so very much. Watching her swim, so gracefully and effortlessly, and knowing she was doing that which gave her so much pleasure,  gave Lillian and me joy.  I remember vividly her describing her work to us and it was very impressive.  Things always seemed so effortless and graceful for her.  I am grateful to have known her these many years.  I send you my deepest sympathies at a very difficult time.

We can hope memories will carry us

Around Nancy’s Table

From Cate Gable

The buzz and up: rocks and masks, warmth and hugs, quick news then settling in for tea and cheese and deeper thoughts. Nancy’s radiant smile, her puckish sense of humor, her observations on business, politics, friends.  Then ideas for workshops, perhaps, papers to present, current reading. Duncan arrives a bit mussed, paleontological thoughts sprouting. More tea. The jokes about the apartment suddenly giving way to the floor below—the rocks! More conversation before plans for another rendezvous. Now carpe diem ringing in the air…

--

Oh Duncan: what words could possibly be sufficient? None, I'm sure, even for us people who cherish words as tools.

When I saw your subject line about Nancy's essay "Living with Cancer"—I thought, fantastic, she has found a way through!....then your note below. So I sit this morning looking out a Seattle second story window at the sky just alight with winter sun, tears on my cheeks, thinking of you both and the many lively conversations around your kitchen table.

Yes, we can hope memories will carry us.

The softest & kindest person I’ve met

From Jacqueline d'Ormesson, Paris

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing all those beautiful photographs of Nancy you’ve sent me.

So incredible and sad to think I will never see her again. She was the softest and kindest person I’ve met. I will always smile when thinking of her!

Your love story seems so beautiful. You must be so empty now. I’ve lost my dear one 2 and a half years ago and he’s always with me. I do not believe in death, they are with us for ever. Just on the other side in a parallel world, but so near. We are still talking. Hope you will feel the same….

I will always keep Nancy in my heart.

What a blessing you were to each other

From Barbara Lee

What a blessing you were in Nancy’s life, and what a blessing you were to each other. My heart goes out to you and to the many that loved her. 

Her positivity, curiosity, and extreme cuteness

From Camille McOuat

This news is so shocking and heartbreaking.

You and Nancy were a joyful couple and a great example for us younger people of a beautiful long relationship.

Olivia always talked about you two so highly, individually but also as a pair. She has always been afraid to not have a relationship as perfect as yours. You and Nancy couldn’t have done better! I know you did EVERYTHING possible to try to save her until the last minute.

Anyways …. my heart goes out to you and I will miss Nancy too.

I’ll miss her positivity, curiosity, and extreme cuteness. The photos and words you put together are lovely, it’s sweet to see the old photos of Nancy because I see even more of her in Olivia.

I am happy that Olivia was able to introduce her fiancé to Nancy. I met him just one day but he is my favorite of Olivia’s boyfriends. Smart, kind, and so in love with your daughter.

If you want a friend to go caving with or anything in Paris, remember I am here !!

So sorry you are going through this,

sending my love to you all

***

The next page contains some of the most moving and beautiful tributes

I’ve received about Nancy

as well as her

-poems,

-unpublished essays,

-haikus to her doctor,

-and Rwanda diary.

It also has more photos and links to articles about the failure of French hospitals to adequately treat about 4000 women a year with ovarian cancer – including a long one in L’Express in which Nancy is pictured, because she served as a case in point.

This page is a work-in-progress.

Please send pictures or memories of Nancy to caldwellnd(at)aol.com.

The following tributes

to Nancy Beth Caldwell,

(or Nancy Leenson Caldwell, as she was known as a writer)

appear below, among many others.

by Nancy’s brother, Eric Leenson

by Laura Corsiglia

by Uli Botzojorns